Sunday, March 18, 2018

AHOY! THE GARDEN LIVES!

I have returned, friends! And better, I have a new victory garden! I spent hours and hours outside with my yard stick to make sure it's exactly one foot by one foot.

But I also need to take care of my precious garden by giving it what it needs to survive. I've been running around to every gas station in the Tristate Area plucking turds out of the toilets, and the robbing Home Depot of all of it's nitrate powder so that I can get me some good fertilizer. And then after I eat the fertilizer, I just pour cow manure in the garden.

In personal news, I was so rudely kicked out of my jugband because my voice "sounds like my guard snake dying". Who needs them, their voices sound like a thousand tortured souls being released from the Underworld. I'd also like to address the MISCONCEPTION that my blog comment section is a bulletin board for things FOOLISH in nature. Keep your sinning away from my good Christian blog!

I make sure to read all the plants bedtime stories every night. They seem to really enjoy it because sometimes they wither away and die halfway through my stories.

I've been spending a lot of time in Grass City. I've been on the forum, also. And I recently got some advice from my good friend dannyboy. Him and I go way back. My jugband even wrote a song for him, take a listen:


Dannyboy's advice was to rip ass on the plants. Look at all the scientific evidence and support he included in his comment:


It wouldn't quite be a blog of mine without some pictures of my new garden! So here you go!



Anyways, friends, I have to go snuggle my lettuce and tomato plants. I encourage you to write lore and fanfiction about it! Preferably shippings ;)

goobbye frens

8 comments:

  1. Of COURSE it's very useful! I wouldn't want to be spreading any FALSEHOODS! I love you Laxman keep up the gardening and maybe we'll garden sometime together, right here in the Garden State

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  5. You give the worst advice. Who is actually going to surround their plants in a great brown heinie cloud? I always take Crockett's advice and my sq. foot victory garden is magnificent! It's no wonder Crockett is much more successful than you..

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    Replies
    1. I have warned all my friends against you, Susan. This is NOT a joke and you have deeply offended me. I'm sure that your victory garden isn't victorious at all, as long as you take inspiration from the VILLAIN CROCKETT! Surrounding your plants in a great green hiney cloud is ALWAYS a good idea! Dannyboy would NEVER lie to me, but that VILLIAN CROCKETT would lie to you in an instant! I feel genuine pity for all the plants that are being held hostage in your yard. Leave and never return to my good Christian blog! I've been praying everyday since you left your comment for the Lord to help you realize that I'M CORRECT and YOU ARE MISTAKEN.
      CROCKETT WON'T WIN!

      Delete
  6. anyone who isn't here to talk about my plants needs to flee immediately and go bully someone else (maybe Susan Ashpen) or go watch your dumb pixar "films".

    ReplyDelete